Winning Writing

Today in class we looked at a good example of STRATEGY 6: attending to the language of your sources, and detailed description of a project. Here are other examples of strong passages from your classmates in different categories:

DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THE PIECE
Don't forget to integrate analysis with this. Ask yourself: what does this DO for the piece, what are the IMPLICATIONS? See bold below.

Soon, slow tinkling music slows the action as Kashmere zooms in on the one violent act that unites them all, the slashing of Valery's ankle. The scene freezes, the tinkling music continues, the picture blurs and Kashmere's narrative with the many questions continues. In his narrative, Brett Kashmere explains his own childhood history as the tinkling bells music plays. The tinkling bells make the atmosphere seem mysterious and dark. It shocks viewers and promotes more questions from the mysterious feelings it evokes, while further enhancing the negative thoughts concerning the hockey violence in the film. JASON WANG

STRATEGY 3: PUT YOUR SOURCES IN CONVERSATION WITH ONE ANOTHER

In a work titled Code 33 police and young people of color came together in order to try and increase understanding between the two, in a relationship that is often marked by violence and misunderstandings due to pre-existing stereotypes (Kester 183). The project brought the two groups together in a series of extended conversations so that the police and youths might be more understanding of each other. In this sense Deller’s project has much of the same intentions as the work in California. Although the original intention of Deller was simply to re-create this historical event in order to present a fair side of the story, the end result became much more. By taking part in the reenactment and working side by side the mine workers and police officers were able to discuss and put to rest any lasting feelings of negativity that might have remained from the conflict. MIKE LEFKO

STRATEGY 4: FIND YOUR OWN ROLE IN THE CONVERSATION. In this short passage, the student author brings her knowledge of pop culture into the essay:

funk serves as the “beacon of youth culture” for the black community, just as Madonna or Molly Ringwald are iconic to white popular culture (Tillotson 1).
and later...
just as funk music sings about controversial topics that appear “sexually threatening” and “culturally intrusive”, Rap music today speaks of violence, drug abuse and female objectification (Piper 133). LAUREN JOFFE

INTRODUCE THE READER TO THE LARGER CONCEPTS

Artists are no longer historians but philosophers as well. They attempt to understand the problems of society and solve them through public forms of artwork, which has completely altered the spectrum and purpose of art. In many cases, the audience actually participates in the formation of the art, becoming subjects instead of just viewers (Kwon 117). BLAIR DUDIK

...Throughout the twentieth century many artists are moving away from that general misconception with new genres of art emerging throughout the century, such as avant-garde, “dialogic”, public and participatory art. These new genres of art have been focusing mainly on the conversation, participation or ideas from the general public to create the definition for the pieces of work. What clearly has arrived is that art is considered in a much wider array of forms then we previously believed. TIM KIANKA

STRATEGY 6: ATTEND CAREFULLY TO LANGUAGE BY QUOTING OR PARAPHRASING

Piper has “been doing pieces the significance and experience of which is defined as completely as possible by the viewer’s reaction and interpretation. Ideally the work has no meaning or independent existence outside of its function as a medium of change” (Kester 69). In other words, there is no real intent with many of Piper’s art projects. The defining aspect of her works depend entirely on the audiences interpretation and reaction. PIERSON TRIMARCHI